I am the proud momma of two very special kiddos. My daughter is 11 and my son is 8 1/2....and they could not be more different. This shows up particularly with their academics. My daughter loves to learn...she is like a sponge. She is studious, focused, social, confident and I never worry about her educational success. My "Little Man"....he is very social. He is kind, thoughtful, compassionate...and did I mention very social? He loves to learn, when it is a topic that interests him.
He is your typical boy...he runs, jumps and slides everywhere he is going. He seems to be in a constant state of motion. He loves legos and loves doing almost anything he can with his hands....coloring, building, molding, constructing, folding...He does not like writing though. And he does not care for reading much either. His 2nd grade year has been a challenge both in the classroom and at home. He seems to lack confidence in his capabilities and as his mom, this breaks my heart. He is so smart and so capable!
He really doesn't like homework, after all, it interferes with play time, right? He will do anything to get out of it....anything...negotiate, whine, pout, cry, scream, stomp, slam things...even tell me I am "the meanest mom in the world".
As a parent, setting very clear boundaries has been my priority....and more importantly sticking to them has been the biggest challenge. I will be the first to admit that there are times when I wanted to throw in the towel if it meant he would stop whining and crying. I will also admit there are times when I lost my patience...yelled just as loud (or louder), slammed a door just as hard (or harder), and cried just as many tears (if not more).
The most frustrating part, for me, has been hearing him say things like:
"This is too hard"
"I am stupid"
"I can't do this"
"This is going take FOREVER"
"15 minutes??.....that is too long!"
etc.
etc.
Having gone through some powerful personal development and leadership training, as well as being a certified coach, I have learned a thing or two! (I think!) And, as a mom, I want to pass down some of those nuggets of knowledge, and bits of resources to my kids.
Here is a common one..."If you tell yourself you can't, then you won't. If you tell yourself you can, then you will....either way you get to be right."
I have thrown this one out there too...."What you think about, you bring about. If you tell yourself this is too hard, then it will be. Try telling yourself it is easy, and see what happens." My kids have even gotten to the point that they can finish my sentence. As a mom, I am thinking, "If you can finish my sentence, why isn't this sinking in?!?!"
So, the other night, it was homework time. My son had to read a story, then break it down into three main ideas, and write a summary. His two favorite things! Needless to say, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this child is seen with love and compassion. He had already negotiated with me and promised to start the homework while we were at his sister's swim practice. He "read" the story there, begrudingly. (I am pretty sure he just looked at the pictures) When we got home it was time to write. I could feel the tension rising in the room. He started to whine, "this is too hard. I don't know how to do this". He then dialed it up to crying. Then went to full on refusal and said he was going to bed. Honestly, I wanted to pound my head on the table. I took a deep breath and calmly reminded him of our house rule....School work comes first....fun activities come second. If he chose to go to bed without completing his schoolwork, then he would lose his privilege to participate in his extra curricular activities during the week (judo, flag football, a sleep over, and baseketball). He lovingly responded, "You're the worst mom EVER!" and stomped his way upstairs.
<SIGH>
A little while later he came in my room to say goodnight. I took his sweet little hand in mine and told him how much I love him. I told him that I believed he was so smart and so capable of doing anything he wants to do, and that I am willing to sit right by his side to support him in any way possible (without doing the work for him of course). He agreed to give this homework a shot.
When we sat down, I asked him, "How do you want this to go? Easy and fast? Or difficult and slow?" He said, "Easy and fast". (with a little smirk on his face....he knew where I was going with this) I asked him to close his eyes real quick and to see his homework being done easily because he knows exactly what to do and how to do it. Then we got to work.
At first, he started his little "pretend" hyperventilating thing. Then almost started to cry, again. I just reminded him that he knows this and it is easy.
He went on, wrote his 3 main ideas and then, without even a blink of hesitation, wrote his summary. When he finished, he put his pencil down and looked at me with this sweet little expression on his face....he was smiling, relieved and so proud! He just gave himself new evidence that he CAN do it...that it can be easy! Oh...did I mention it only took him 10 minutes?! Not FOREVER like he originally thought. And, as the week has progressed, I continue to see him choosing to respond/react differently to his homework. Baby steps....practice and consistency with choosing different thoughts are showing him different results!
"Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." ~Napoleon Hill
Here is the moral to my "story"....
What we think is what we create. It works equally with positive and negative thinking. This goes along with my last blog regarding our beliefs.
When we think positively about something, it doesn't necessarily create a new reality. It goes much deeper than that.
One of my favorite books is "If How-To's Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich & Happy" by Brian Klemmer.
In this book he shares 3 levels of "thinking"....
~1st Level is all in the head. It consists of reason, logic, and your 5 physical senses.
~2nd Level is our subconscious...the part of our mind that never goes to sleep. (The part that hears the alarm clock and wakes us up, while our conscious mind sleeps). This level consists of your emotions, memory bank, subconscious thinking, automomic system, subjective five senses and intuition.
~3rd Level is our infinite level, God, The Universe, or the "super conscious".
Simply thinking with your conscious mind does not create the results you say you want. It takes something more powerful than simple logic.
How we think = what we create is connected to your 2nd level....
Your deep-seated assumptions exist at this level:
Who you are
How life works
What you think success is
What it takes to be successful.
This is where your belief systems are kept!
For my son to begin seeing different results, learning to tap into his 2nd level will create the new results....Who he is, how successful he sees himself and how life works.
He had an opportunity to challenge his beliefs this week.
"It is not what is true, but it is what you think is true that determines your idea of what your reality is for you".
My son thought he was not smart enough, and that the work would be too hard, and that it would take him FOREVER to complete it. It was not THE TRUTH....It was what he believed to be true.
You have an opportunity to create a new way of thinking and in turn an new experience. Your 2nd level is what determines if you are happy, sad, stressed, single, married, successful, unsuccessful, as well asmany other aspects in your life.
It is easier to change your 2nd level than it is to try to change what other people in your life are doing.
The bottom line is...
IT (life, relationships, business, schoolwork, etc.) can be easy, if that is what you choose.
IT doesn't have to be hard, complicated, scarey, lonely, frustrating, or take FOREVER!
There are many techniques to connect with Level 2 and to begin to see different results show up in your business, life and relationships.
All it take is a simple decision to begin to flex your Level 2 muscle and shift your beliefs.
Breakthrough Coaching provides the resources, support and safe space to shift how you think in order to create what you want.
As always, FREE Breakthrough Coaching Discovery Calls are available to anyone interested in beginning coaching.
Feel free to email me: angela@openforchangecoaching.com
Blessings!
Love your heart in all of this.
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